Update on New Ways of Thinking

Months ago I posted about having a new mind for the new year. Here's a quick update on that "new" mind. 

First, in spite of being excited and inspired by the principles espoused by Mr. Money Mustache, we are not quite Mustachian, but we're getting there. 

I want to blame Kat for our slow progress. She is the perpetual project-making machine. Always starting a project around the house, and never an inexpensive one (is there such a thing?) On the plus side, she is a focused worker, always finishes what she starts, and her projects do improve our quality of life. 

The latest is a re-do of our back patio, converting it from ugly, bumpy, impossible to walk on, concrete molds to a beautiful, natural flagstone and crushed granite. And on top — an inflatable hot tub. I wasn’t too keen on the latter, but it was relatively inexpensive, and it feels so luxurious relaxing in it during our meltingly hot summer days. I hold so much tension in my shoulders that it causes me headaches, and those have been less frequent. Overall a great stress reliever with a cost of just under $1,000.00, paid cash because of actually being better about not consuming what we don’t need. 

One day though I want us both to adopt a more saving mentality rather than a consuming one. We have more money because we’re consuming less and have cut back on many bills, such as cable (gone), but that doesn’t mean we have to spend it just because we have it. Some does get saved, but not near enough by my estimation. This is an on-going battle, both with Kat and with my own wants. As satisfying as it would be, I can’t lay this at Kat’s feet (paws :-))

Second, the vegan diet we adopted morphed into a vegetarian one. We are both enjoying our vegetarian lifestyle. Like our spending cut-backs, it doesn’t feel like deprivation. Instead, we find ourselves eating lots of different foods, breaking out of ruts a lifetime in the making. We feel good, our actions are better aligned with our values, and we haven’t sacrificed on taste. 

There’s been so much going on this year; I let this blog go, but I’m not ready for it to die. I’ll be back.

The Good, The Sort Of Good, The Bad, The Ugly, and the Good Again.

The Good — 

Recently I was kicking myself for procrastinating on getting a new term life insurance policy, because with my recent skin cancer removal and a few other medical issues, I was looking at a rate below standard. Imagine my surprise when my insurance agent called to congratulate me for getting the preferred rate! My blood work results must have been quite good (I have to mail a request if I want to see them). So I’m surprised but feeling good about my health right now. 

The Sort of, Maybe Good — 

For the past three months, Kat has spent many hours studying for a promotional exam held last Tuesday. She actually took a couple of weeks vacation at the end to really focus on her studies. At her rank, promoting to the next level is extremely competitive. 

She did well on the test, but seniority is not on her side, and her score plus seniority put her at number thirteen on the eligibility list. Normally this would be good enough for a promotion sometime over the next year, but rumors are that it will be a lean year, with fewer than ten promotions. She’s convinced herself that no promotion is in the cards and is already working out her strategy for studying next year. UGH!!! I on the other hand, while disappointed that she is disappointed after her very hard work, am optimistic that she’ll be promoted. Time will tell.

The Bad  —

The San Antonio Spurs loss in Game 7 of the NBA finals. Actually, the disappointment came at the end of Game 6, which was almost won before being snatched away. Most residents of San Antonio have been suffering the past couple of weeks from PSSD - Post Spurs Stress Disorder. It’s not pretty. We love our Spurs! Time and perspective will heal this one.

The Ugly —

I’m dealing with family stuff from afar (two hundred miles away). My parents and sisters are going through some stressful times, details I’d rather not go into now.  I’m doing my best to be present by phone. It means a couple of hours every day, talking, texting. It still doesn’t feel like enough. This too will pass.

The Good Again --

My sciatic nerve pain is nearly healed, and I can sit again for long periods of time.  After Kat’s stressful promotional exam, we went to the movies for the first time in ages and saw Star Trek Into Darkness. I loved it. I was amazed that given how long the movie has been out, I had no idea going in the identity of Benedict Cumberbatch’s character. I don’t want to spoil it here, just in case there are others out there who haven’t seen it. What a marvelous surprise it was! (And how I love Benedict Cumberbatch).

Using Pain to Improve Life

Since my last post my life has taken a turn for the unexpected. I developed a literal pain in the butt that extends from the cheek down to the calf. Ouch!! Boy does it hurt. Hurts to sit, stand, and walk, which leaves lying down, but I can’t afford to do that all day, so I sit, stand, and walk, wincing (gasping) all the way.

After checking to ensure that a pinched nerve or my back isn't somehow involved, my doctor prescribed a powerful anti-inflammatory and some exercises. There’s no quick fix for this, and the pain wears me down by the end of the day. The silver lining is that I’m using the pain as motivation to work on some areas in my life. 

First, I figure that the body has an enormous capacity to heal itself as long as it’s not sabotaged. I’m helping by eating as healthily as I know how, with plenty of food high in antioxidants and anti-inflammatory properties. Guided by George Mateljan’s The World’s Healthiest Foods, an “essential guide for the healthiest way of eating,” I am learning the health properties of different foods and the best way to select, store, prepare, and cook them. 

Anti-inflammatory foods and herbs include salmon, tuna, and shellfish, pineapples, papayas, olives, garlic, ginger, and turmeric. There are others, but that’s where I’m starting. Yesterday for lunch Kat and I ate avocado halves sprinkled with lemon juice and stuffed with tuna salad (a recipe from the book). Tasty! 

Second, having this grinding, relentless pain actually helps with my mindfulness practice. Sometimes the pain overwhelms, and I have to stop and just breathe deeply. I try to follow the advice in the book to focus on breath and welcome any discomfort or pain instead of fighting it. It’s not easy, and it doesn’t always help, but most of the time it seems to. It keeps me from panicking anyway. Anxiety magnifies pain, and to the extent that mindfulness practice diffuses anxiety, it helps.

Third, I am forced to practice patience. Not a virtue of mine, but one I want to cultivate. The healing process takes time. I can eat all the right foods, exercise diligently, and take my meds, but I can’t force the pain away or hurry the healing process.  Impatience — when will this pain end? — like anxiety, just makes it worse. 

So there it is. I wrote most of this while standing at our kitchen island, and finished it off sitting at my desk. My new life for a while. I hope that when this chapter of life draws to a close, I will have acquired or deepened a few good habits.

Thwarted but I'm Good With It

April turned out to be a busy and out of the ordinary month (the skin stuff alone threw my calendar off kilter), and I was looking forward to my recent birthday as a day just to knock around in. A fun lunch in Gruene followed by naps and reading and movie watching. Kat was off, and she’s always game to do whatever.

That morning I rolled out of bed, and the first thing I did was charge my Kindle. This was going to be the kind of day that required a fully charged e-reader!

Things got off to a great start with a breakfast of kolaches and coffee. Then Kat surprised me with a light box for my sewing room. Hooray! The timing couldn’t have been more perfect as the quilt I’m working on requires applique. 

After lunch and a walk around the shops at Gruene, we drove back to San Antonio, into the neighborhood, turned the corner, and I saw this:

Hastily decorated by a neighbor

I gasped! No!! 

Yes, surprise party. The last guest left at 11:00 pm. My fully charged Kindle sat untouched.

So, my birthday went not at all as I had envisioned. Had I been asked, I would have said emphatically that I did not want a party. But, as with life when chaos intrudes on the hopeful vision of orderly days, I accepted it (after a bit of struggle) and it was good. It was good to visit with friends I haven’t seen in a while, and of course I was touched (after I got past wanting to kill her) by Kat’s eagerness to make the day special. 

I haven’t yet peeked at the credit card to see what this set us back. I have a budget session planned for tomorrow to review March and April. I’m hoping all the big birthday surprises are behind me :-P

Breaking Rules and Re-visiting Goals

Just back from a whirlwind visit home (near Houston) to visit my folks. The trip is exactly three hours and twenty minutes from my door to theirs. Most of the time I have to make a pit stop along the way. When I take Dobby, I stop off at a rest area so I can take him with me into the restroom.

I pulled into a rest area as usual and for the first time noticed a sign that clearly stated “No Pets Allowed in Restroom.” What?? But I can’t leave him in the car! What if he were stolen? And during summer months the car interior heats up far too quickly. Impossible to leave an animal in a car, even with the windows cracked. I might have to disguise him as a human baby and carry him in a pouch. Think it will work?

Time to check in with April goals:

Create a routine, writing at least three hours every (work) day. Still no routine, but I did manage the floating three hour period on days I wasn't on the road, plus more on occasion.

Close e-mail during writing sessions. Yup. 

Close internet during writing sessions, or use internet blocking or my alphasmart. Nope. The internet is like chocolate to me - irresistible. I cannot bring myself to use an internet blocking program; I don’t know why I even wrote that down. I haven’t yet unearthed my alphasmart. I really like typing on my laptop. A lot. And I use Scrivener. Though I know I can transfer my alphasmart stuff to Scrivener, I like working in Scrivener. So, I’ll have to figure this one out. I suppose if I’m hitting my writing goals (I’m now into daily word counts for my fiction), I can ease up on this one.

Practice mindfulness. I googled for some resources and came up with a bewildering number of books and blogs about mindfulness. Finally I downloaded Mindfulness for Dummies to my Kindle, figuring it would give me the basics. So far I like what I’m reading, but I’ve only just begun putting it into practice (as in yesterday). I plan to review this more fully in a future post.

I will now turn these goals into May goals. They’ve been helpful, and I want more time with them. 

Distraction Busters

I am sitting at my desk, fingers flying across the keyboard, while I watch out the front window at workmen in our neighbor’s yard. Two of the men are digging a hole. Why are they digging a hole? They are digging in the side yard near the street. Something to do with the water?

Dobby - A Cute Distraction

My dog is napping on my lap, making it somewhat difficult to type. I glance at the time. I want to beat the crowds to the grocery store. With guests arriving Monday, I have a largish shopping trip planned. Fortunately, San Antonians don’t seem to grocery shop much before 11:00 on a Saturday morning. Everyone has a sleep-in.

This is how my morning writing session is going, unconnected wonderings and worries interspersed with moments of actual work.

Distractions nip at me constantly. An inevitable part of the writing life I suppose. I don’t think I handle them very well. I’ve written that a life goal of mine is to attain a feeling of wholeness. I dislike feeling scattered, and this constant succumbing to distractions contributes to that feeling. 

 I want to blame external factors for this inability to sit still, to focus, to feel integrated. Aside from musing-type distractions (staring out the window), there are distractions that willpower won’t make go away. Family members like to visit for a couple of days at a time, and I like to have them, but the bed and breakfast times can disrupt an entire week — cleaning, meal planning, shopping, and the visit itself.  I have too many volunteer commitments, with lunch and evening meetings. Even one meeting in the day can make the whole day feel disrupted. Home care, cooking, the dogs, the bills. Really it’s no more than others have to contend with, and less than most. But they’re MY distractions, and I’ve got to learn to integrate them into a good, creative life, because they’re not going away.

The root of the problem is internal. A resistance to the work that I know from experience will melt away as soon as I sit down and let myself fall into it. So today I am going to list distraction-busting practices for the month of April, and re-visit them on May 1 to see how I’ve done.

• Create a routine:  This is a biggie. I have tried for years, without much success, to have a set, daily routine. Largely because of Kat’s second-shift schedule, my best writing time is between about 8:00 and 9:00 am, and then early afternoon, like between 1:00 and 3:00, and then again for a couple of hours in the evening. With meetings popping up here and there, mostly in the evening, and family visits, and Kat’s weird days off, I stick to this routine maybe two days of any given week. So, I will practice getting in three hours of writing every day, regardless of the ‘when,’ though I will try for that morning and early afternoon rhythm.  That’s my practice goal for April. A separate, long-term goal will be to set my writing times/days, and not accept volunteer commitments that conflict with those times. (This has to be long-term as some of my commitments run to the end of 2014). 

•  Keep my e-mail closed while writing.

• Keep my internet browsers closed while writing. We’ll see how this one goes. If it costs too much in willpower, I can either check out one of those internet blocking programs or write on my Alphasmart. 

• Practice mindfulness meditation.

I can think of others, but this is enough to start with.

It’s coming up on 3:00 now, and time to take Dobby — my little white ball of energy — on his walk. I feel good because I can count this as a successful writing day, and I have no meeting tonight, so I plan to get some fiction writing done. (That’s right. I have nowhere to be on a Saturday night! It’s ok because our Saturday is Monday. The life of shift work).

Postscript:  The men across the street are installing a sprinkler system. It looks like an archeological dig over there. Watching other people do manual labor makes for an almost irresistible distraction! Lucky for me they should finish today.

Money Goals and How We Save

I am writing down specific budget goals for the year. April’s not too late, right? Kat’s buy-in is critical of course, but I’ll discuss with her after I’m satisfied with them. I’ve been sort of working toward these goals already; just haven’t taken the time to record them.

Most have to do with savings — increasing what I call our “cushion” savings as well as our larger "emergency" savings. The former is a savings account where our checking is. I dip into it easily via on-line banking and use it to chunk surplus income into (Kat gets overtime, so some months are better than others), then to take money out for large unexpected expenses.

The “emergency” savings is intended to support us for a few months in case of a major event that might lead to losing a steady paycheck. It is in a separate bank which I cannot access quite as easily. I have an automatic payment plan set up with my primary bank that sends money over with each paycheck.

Automating our savings is something I wish I had done much, much sooner. Since I started doing it two years ago, the account has grown to nearly $7,000 (which equals only about three months of pared down spending). If it weren’t automated, we would be lucky to have $2,000 there. The other $5,000 would have been frittered away.

I also want to increase our targeted savings for the kitchen update. The problem with this targeted savings is the current set-up. I separate it in Quicken from our cushion savings, but in reality it’s in the same account. I will be tempted to dip into that for “cushion” type expenses if my cushion account doesn’t bear up under the weight of those pesky financial hits that seem to keep coming.

The latest is a kitty issue. Our sweet, thirteen-year-old cat Beano (Kat named her; long story) has an abscessed molar. The cost of finding this out and fixing it will probably be close to $700. We’ll find out the extent of the damage after her blood work comes back, the results of which will determine the vet’s approach to the surgery. Fortunately  we just received a bit of a bonus. I paid the last of my real estate taxes, and I had over-saved, giving me an unplanned for $400.

I’ve mentioned before that we’re in a better situation with savings and debt than we’ve ever been before, and yet my worry over this latest set-back feels about the same as it would have a few years ago. As I left the vet’s office, I worried about Miss Bean of course, but then I started worrying about the fact that we have five senior pets, and are we well enough prepared for the inevitable increase in vet expenses? (Not really). What happens if they all get sick or need surgery at the same time?

So I indulged in a little hyperventilation.

Going back to what I wrote about Murphy vs Providence, I am determined to cultivate gratitude. I will be grateful for the bonus we received just in time to defray the cost of Beano’s surgery; grateful that it wasn’t worse than it is; grateful that we are in a decent financial position and have the resources to handle home and auto and pet and health issues, even if doing so means we can’t have some of the things we want. How many people don’t have these resources? How many have to deal with problems I can’t even imagine dealing with? I say “Thank you” through gritted teeth and hope that the practice  becomes an orientation toward life -- without the gritted teeth.

So there’s my number one financial goal — to continue to practice gratitude and to trust in life’s abundance. Trust that what we need will somehow be there, and to be grateful when it is. I do have more specific goals to work toward and will post them after chatting with Kat.

Murphy? or Providence?

My dad has a story he likes to tell of his and mom’s first years of married life back in the sixties. He worked at a steel mill; she was a full-time homemaker. They had very little money, but one month he earned an extra $200 on his paycheck. They came up with all sorts of plans for what they might do with the money, but then Mom had a dental emergency, and the cost to fix her teeth was exactly $200. “We just couldn’t get ahead,” Dad says. “Could not get ahead.”

Which is how I feel sometimes. Kat and I have a little extra left over from the tax return that didn’t get spent on the sewing room project. This is the first year we haven’t had to put our tax return on debt, having paid off our credit card. We’ve been talking of putting it toward either our kitchen re-do or our emergency savings. Or, hmm, I’ve always wanted a KitchenAid stand mixer. Is now the time to start researching deals? We could consider it part of the kitchen update (I can rationalize any purchase).

But life throws curves. We had a severe wind storm blow through San Antonio last month. A few of our shingles were knocked off. The repairs cost $270. Then my primary care doc sent me to the dermatologist for a suspicious mole. Two biopsies later, I find out I am to have two skin thingies excised (one a basil cell carcinoma, the other some atypical cells that could turn into a melanoma). I’m sure we’ll pay at least up to our deductible, which is $500, then whatever the co-insurance is after that. Those two things together take care of the last of the tax return and more.

I’ve thought about Dad’s story over the years. This phenomenon of coming into money at the same time some unexpected expense pops up is certainly not unique to my parents. It happens to everyone. I can look at it as Murphy riding in to snatch that extra money out of our hands, or see it as a caring universe (or Providence or however you might name it) giving me what we need when we need it. The first viewpoint leads to frustration and a lot of “Why me’s?” The second evokes gratitude. I will admit I feel frustrated, but I am going to choose to be grateful that we happen to have this money when we need it to repair our home and take care of my health. And I don’t need a mixer anyway :-)

DIY Project - From Despair to Good Times

How is it that once a project is begun, the world comes crashing in?  Kat and I know to allot more time than we think is needed for any house project. We started the minor renovation of my sewing / guest room with a hard deadline of March 10, the date of the arrival of my sister and nieces for Spring Break. We had two mostly empty weekends to work with, and figured the project would take only one of those weekends with the cracks filled in during the week.

I’m sure you can guess the rest of the story.

On Saturday the ninth, we were frantically finishing up the room while trying to clean, shop for groceries, prep for meals, and all the other things that go with getting ready for guests. We made it, barely.

The unexpected problems that cropped up were, first, my getting a nasty cold and passing it on to Kat. We worked through it, but fatigue was definitely a factor. Then Kat was assigned a trainee at work, which meant much longer hours, and this on top of battling a cold virus. Then I had some issues pop up with volunteer work that needed attention. I fell into that middle-of-project funk when I despair that we’re improving anything and wonder why we made so much seemingly unnecessary work for ourselves.

But in the end we finished just in time for guests to enjoy (very satisfying!!) Today guests have gone home, and I need to clean before I take “after” pictures. I’ll be back soon to show off the project. I am VERY pleased with how it turned out.

Despair is gone, and now time to enjoy, and try hard to ward off the itch to tackle some other project anytime soon.

Making a Small Space Function

See that innocent looking tape measure? I left it on the dresser the other day.

"Why'd you have the tape measure out?" Kat asked when she got home from work.

Doh! I didn't want her to know I was scheming to get the piano out of my sewing room (and primary guest room). I've been feeling way too claustrophobic in there since I'd installed a cutting table. The room is only 9 1/2 feet by 10 feet, and in it fits my sewing table, ironing board, piano, murphy bed, cutting table, and a small chest of drawers. The cutting table folds up nicely, but when I'm using it, I have about a 4 by 4 space to move around in.

My idea was to get rid of the large dresser in our master, downsize my clothes to the small chest currently located in the sewing room, thus freeing space to put the piano in our bedroom. I didn't have everything thought through when Kat found the tape measure, and I didn't want to present my plan prematurely, but too late! She got it out of me -- and flipped upon hearing I wanted to jettison the not-very-old dresser.

Much arguing ensued, during which I dramatically proclaimed that now she could understand why I hadn't wanted to tell her anything until I had it all worked out.

After we both settled down, she thought things over and figured out a way to rearrange the room to make it work without losing the dresser. At first I wasn't too happy, "Why can't we just let go of things?" I said, but Kat is a natural organizer, so in the end I decided to trust her.

I can't believe it, but I love our new bedroom. We did remove a few things -- some book shelves and two pieces of kitty furniture -- but what really opened up the space was rearranging a few pieces of the bedroom furniture. Our piano fits, and the room seems somehow more spacious to me. More comfortable.

And what is more exciting is the sewing room. We pulled everything out and painted, then we centered the murphy bed on the wall; it had been off-center to accommodate the piano. Kat is building cabinets for the top of the murphy bed and shelves along either side so that the whole thing will look built-in (we hope). Our inspiration picture is here at  Houzz.com.

What is so cool is that we're making good use of vertical space. We'll be able to store pillows and bed linens in the cabinets over the murphy bed instead of in our small linen closet. The shelves will house the books that were in the master bedroom with plenty of room for baskets to hold my stash (as in quilting fabrics :-))

I've taken "before" pictures, but it may be a week or so before I have the "after" shots, so I'll wait to post them.

Wish us luck!

Blowing Deadlines and Re-Scripting Failure

Spread before me right now are all my tools for working toward goals and organizing time. These tools go from the general to the specific -- personal mission statement, 2013 resolutions, and project pages. Project pages are what I live from. I check them every morning to orient myself. In them I list the areas of my life that require attention -- writing, volunteer commitments, household, finances, quilting, relationships, health -- and for each area I have columns for goals, tasks (a catch-all to-do list), and next step(s). Having just one or two tasks per area in the next step column makes juggling everything so much more manageable.

But here's the thing.

My project pages are full of missed deadlines. Dates crossed out, sometimes multiple times, for a project or next step. I used to be down on myself for this seeming inability to keep self-made deadlines -- especially as I am obsessive about meeting any deadline set for me by someone else. I can see the likes of Stephen Covey and Tony Robbins shaking their heads and thinking that success is not likely here; one must be accountable to oneself, or at least find a buddy to aid accountability. And while there's truth in that, I've come to realize something important.

For years I've badgered myself about blown deadlines, and my inner nag had just about convinced me that I could not perform work that is self-directed, that I needed a boss to set external goals and deadlines. Yet if I look back over the last several years, I managed to write three novels -- revising each mulitple times -- start a blog, complete five quilts, maintain a clutter-free home full of heatlhy pets, contribute a lot to volunteer efforts, keep up with friends and family, and make a mildly successful stab at a different career before deciding it wasn't for me. Not bad for suffering from nagging doubts that I can't be successful because I fail at keeping self-imposed deadlines.

Somehow my methods work (for the most part), and it occurred to me that my goal-setting and project planning are my way of plotting my life. In the writing world, we speak of plotters vs pantsers, or those who create character charts and plot outlines before writing the narrative (Elizabeth George), verses those who enter the world of a character and write the narrative by the seat of their pants (Stephen King). Many of us fall on the spectrum between those two positions. I am a plotter, but often I diverge from my carefully outlined plot and go off by the seat of my pants until I get so tangled I need to stop and readjust the outline. I do this over and over.

So I plot my life with goals and tasks and target deadlines. This works for a while until interests and circumstances intrude, and off I go. Then I get bogged down and disoriented, and back I go to my mission statement and project pages, crossing out and readjusting and moving forward with a plan for a while. Messy, messy, but it works and I'm done trying to change myself or measure myself against the plot outline, declaring myself a failure for not having stuck with it. If I am not managing to accomplish some of my objectives, then I'll figure out why and re-write the goal and/or tasks related to the goal. No failure there, and so simple. My inner nag will have to find something else to yammer about.

How Many Hours Do You Need?

Mid-October already? For some reason, September/October are such horribly busy months. Maybe it's the pleasant weather. Kat and I spend a lot of time outside catching up with yard work and other home maintenance projects.

It's also birthday time in her family, and we travel to Austin for a couple of different birthday celebrations. Then there are budgets to put together for organizations I'm involved with, specifically church and homeowners association.

But all of that is not much more than we have at other times, and much of it is fun stuff (not the budget stuff!!). So why am I rushing from one thing to the next, with so little time to spend on my transition goals, and feeling that I've ended the day with not a whole lot done?

Recently a group of us in my church discussed the stewardship of time. (The topic of stewardship is percolating in the parish -- 'tis the season). One person asked, "Do you have enough time in your week? If not, how many more hours would you need?"

How many more hours would I need? And for what? While I am still tying up loose ends from my real estate business, most of my time is not spent on real estate. So how exactly am I spending it?

I like the idea, brought up in the group, of tracking hours for a week or so to see where time is being spent. It's the same concept as tracking where your dollars are going, with the idea that it's difficult to make a realistic "budget" without knowing where the hours are currently being spent.

Our rector offered a chart for tracking hours which lists some major areas of daily living:

Work
Family
Church
Community
Personal Growth
Sleep
Other

For each I write the # of hours presently spent, the "ideal" # of hours, and the difference (+) or (-).

My ultimate goal is not to schedule my days to the minute. I wouldn't follow such a schedule any more than I'm able to follow a budget that allots money to the penny for different categories. I do hope to gain insight. If I find I'm spending 50 hours of the 168 hours in a week reading, that will tell me something about why I have "no time" to make better progress toward my goals.

By the way, the photo above is of our back yard tree, a Chinese Pistache. The color is actually from last year, closer to the end of November. At this time in San Antonio, the trees are still green and the weather warm, though cooling off some. But it SEEMS like an October picture :-)

How To Make a Habit

My plan was to post much more frequently. Well, best laid plans and all that. Last weekend I took a client out and ended up in a bidding war over a nice, well-priced house. Fortunately my client's offer was accepted, but between the ensuing paperwork and the things I actually had planned for the week, my writing time was shot. But it doesn't have to be that way. I need new habits strong enough to stand up to the curve balls of life!

According to Charles Duhigg in his excellent book The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, habits are automatic routines that allow us to navigate daily life without burning our brains out making decisions at every turn. Duhigg ends with a nifty formula for changing a deeply-rooted habit. A key component of his formula is identifying the craving a habit satisfies.

Duhigg gives an example from his own life of going to the break room at work every afternoon to eat a cookie. Wanting to break the cookie habit, he figures out first what he's craving. The sugar? The social time with co-workers? The exercise? It takes trail and error, but he finally realizes that his true craving is socializing. He takes the cue that triggers the routine - the cue being a certain time in the afternoon - and has that cue direct him to a co-worker's desk for a chat instead of to the cookie room. (Couldn't help but wonder how his co-workers appreciated his new habit).

A habit I am working on changing is flipping on the TV when I sit down to eat supper. If I don't have showings, I'm eating most days around 6:00 or 6:30 pm, so it's the local news or House Hunters, respectively. My craving isn't the TV so much as the need to unplug from the stresses of the day, to go into non-thinking zombie mode. The problem is that I don't have a 9 to 5 job. Kat works an afternoon/evening shift, and unless I have an appointment in the morning, I spend the time with her. So 6:00 pm or so is right in the middle of my work day, much too soon to unplug completely. But once the TV is on, it's hard to turn off.

So here is the new habit:

Cues: Time - 6:00ish; Sitting down to eat
New Routine: Sit at table and read while eating (something light that's not a page-turner); wash up dishes; return to desk

The reading should satisfy my craving to unplug - to not think about work for a bit - but shouldn't present as big a temptation to vegetate and not return to work. Once I'm in my office in front of the computer, it's easy to get to the task at hand, and if I do this enough days in a row, then voila! New habit. No more thinking about it or struggling with will power to avoid the TV.

Part of me thinks that I should have the will power to return to my desk regardless of the kind of break I take, but what I tell myself I should be able to do and what I actually DO do are two different things. We'll see how well this approach works.

A Blustery Day and Lightness of Being

It was a blustery day in the Hundred Acre Wood, and what a strange day it was. I found myself this early afternoon at a client's house to get a signature, and we visited for a while out on the patio near a burning chimenea. The wind blew the smoke toward me more often than not, and by the time I left I'm afraid I reeked.

Then I stopped by a house I had just sold to an out-of-towner. The seller had left a pile of brush on the sidewalk, and I thought I would do a kindness and stuff it all in a huge trash bag and haul it away. Well, my hair blew around so much I couldn't see, and the pile of brush was bigger than I'd thought. My heart sank when I realized how long this little project was going to take me, but then an angel from heaven offered to help.

Actually the neighbor walked over and offered me his trash can, which is VERY generous. We have automatic pick-up, and each household has only one --albeit very large -- bin. Being able to stuff the brush in the can made the task so much easier. Thank you kind neighbor!!

Today I feel a lightness that comes from breaking through to the other side of several stressful events. I have multiple contracts, all of which survived repair negotiations and other potential deal-breakers, and closings are on for May. On top of that, Kat's paycheck yesterday was nice and fat with overtime from Easter AND we got our tax return. The tax return will go straight to our credit card.

My parents come in tomorrow to stay with us for a few days. (I can hardly wait as I haven't seen them since Christmas). After their visit, my goal is to dig into finances and see exactly where I am with business expenses and income. I have an idea of where I am, but I haven't been tracking it like I should. That's certainly a necessary first step in assessing this business.