The Good, The Sort Of Good, The Bad, The Ugly, and the Good Again.

The Good — 

Recently I was kicking myself for procrastinating on getting a new term life insurance policy, because with my recent skin cancer removal and a few other medical issues, I was looking at a rate below standard. Imagine my surprise when my insurance agent called to congratulate me for getting the preferred rate! My blood work results must have been quite good (I have to mail a request if I want to see them). So I’m surprised but feeling good about my health right now. 

The Sort of, Maybe Good — 

For the past three months, Kat has spent many hours studying for a promotional exam held last Tuesday. She actually took a couple of weeks vacation at the end to really focus on her studies. At her rank, promoting to the next level is extremely competitive. 

She did well on the test, but seniority is not on her side, and her score plus seniority put her at number thirteen on the eligibility list. Normally this would be good enough for a promotion sometime over the next year, but rumors are that it will be a lean year, with fewer than ten promotions. She’s convinced herself that no promotion is in the cards and is already working out her strategy for studying next year. UGH!!! I on the other hand, while disappointed that she is disappointed after her very hard work, am optimistic that she’ll be promoted. Time will tell.

The Bad  —

The San Antonio Spurs loss in Game 7 of the NBA finals. Actually, the disappointment came at the end of Game 6, which was almost won before being snatched away. Most residents of San Antonio have been suffering the past couple of weeks from PSSD - Post Spurs Stress Disorder. It’s not pretty. We love our Spurs! Time and perspective will heal this one.

The Ugly —

I’m dealing with family stuff from afar (two hundred miles away). My parents and sisters are going through some stressful times, details I’d rather not go into now.  I’m doing my best to be present by phone. It means a couple of hours every day, talking, texting. It still doesn’t feel like enough. This too will pass.

The Good Again --

My sciatic nerve pain is nearly healed, and I can sit again for long periods of time.  After Kat’s stressful promotional exam, we went to the movies for the first time in ages and saw Star Trek Into Darkness. I loved it. I was amazed that given how long the movie has been out, I had no idea going in the identity of Benedict Cumberbatch’s character. I don’t want to spoil it here, just in case there are others out there who haven’t seen it. What a marvelous surprise it was! (And how I love Benedict Cumberbatch).

A Detour into Zombieland

Wow. Monday was supposed to be getting-organized-again-after-company day. Instead, after a very busy Saturday/Sunday, we mostly laid around. That's ok. I'm good with an unplanned catch-up-on-rest day. (Kat is off Monday and Tuesday, so that's our "weekend").

On Tuesday I went in to have my skin thingies removed. I hadn't really thought much about the procedure; I certainly didn't think it would be what it was.

Kat went with me. She sat in the waiting room for three hours. She said she kept seeing people called to the back, then less than an hour later walk out with a patch somewhere on the arm or face or neck. I came out after three hours with huge pressure bandages on my arm and face, looking stunned I'm sure. The thingie on my arm was a basal cell carcinoma (mostly harmless because shallow, though can become dangerous if not removed), and on my face was a suspected melanoma (a severely abnormal mole with atypical cells that could become a melanoma if not already).

The face "wound" they left open in case tests revealed more needed to be cut away. The nurse used a mirror to show me the open incision so that I would be prepared in case the bandages came off before I could return today. I laughed out loud when I saw it! It was so incredibly gruesome; it was either laugh or cry. I looked like a zombie, flesh falling from bone. Wow.   

Test results today were good. The atypical cells were not yet melanoma, and all bad cells and carcinomas were successfully removed. My face has been stitched up and bandaged, and I'm good to go.

People have asked me whether I sunned myself when I was younger. The answer is no. I've never tried to tan. My skin is pink, and it freckles and turns pinker in the sun. I simply don't tan. I have Irish ancestry on both sides of my family.  Irish skin and the Texas sun are two things that do not go together.  I've always used sun block, but I intend to be more consistent about putting it on every time I go out.

Three things I am grateful for at this moment:

1. My health. I can't help but think of all those who go in to the doctor to hear a diagnosis of cancer. Whatever treatment follows, there is a lot of pain and anxiety and being tired and having to calm the anxieties of loved ones. I've had the very smallest of tastes, and I am awed by friends who have survived much more invasive and dangerous forms of cancer.

2. My insurance. In 2011, the mayor and city council voted to extend health care benefits to domestic partners of city employees. That enabled Kat to put me on her insurance. Before I had a high deductible insurance. Due to this, we're out of pocket a few hundred dollars instead of a few thousand.

3. Kat. I love her and can't imagine life without her. We've been together seventeen years in May, each year better than the last. We never had a wedding, but we have a wonderful marriage. I hope the State of Texas will one day recognize it.

Murphy? or Providence?

My dad has a story he likes to tell of his and mom’s first years of married life back in the sixties. He worked at a steel mill; she was a full-time homemaker. They had very little money, but one month he earned an extra $200 on his paycheck. They came up with all sorts of plans for what they might do with the money, but then Mom had a dental emergency, and the cost to fix her teeth was exactly $200. “We just couldn’t get ahead,” Dad says. “Could not get ahead.”

Which is how I feel sometimes. Kat and I have a little extra left over from the tax return that didn’t get spent on the sewing room project. This is the first year we haven’t had to put our tax return on debt, having paid off our credit card. We’ve been talking of putting it toward either our kitchen re-do or our emergency savings. Or, hmm, I’ve always wanted a KitchenAid stand mixer. Is now the time to start researching deals? We could consider it part of the kitchen update (I can rationalize any purchase).

But life throws curves. We had a severe wind storm blow through San Antonio last month. A few of our shingles were knocked off. The repairs cost $270. Then my primary care doc sent me to the dermatologist for a suspicious mole. Two biopsies later, I find out I am to have two skin thingies excised (one a basil cell carcinoma, the other some atypical cells that could turn into a melanoma). I’m sure we’ll pay at least up to our deductible, which is $500, then whatever the co-insurance is after that. Those two things together take care of the last of the tax return and more.

I’ve thought about Dad’s story over the years. This phenomenon of coming into money at the same time some unexpected expense pops up is certainly not unique to my parents. It happens to everyone. I can look at it as Murphy riding in to snatch that extra money out of our hands, or see it as a caring universe (or Providence or however you might name it) giving me what we need when we need it. The first viewpoint leads to frustration and a lot of “Why me’s?” The second evokes gratitude. I will admit I feel frustrated, but I am going to choose to be grateful that we happen to have this money when we need it to repair our home and take care of my health. And I don’t need a mixer anyway :-)