Blowing Deadlines and Re-Scripting Failure

Spread before me right now are all my tools for working toward goals and organizing time. These tools go from the general to the specific -- personal mission statement, 2013 resolutions, and project pages. Project pages are what I live from. I check them every morning to orient myself. In them I list the areas of my life that require attention -- writing, volunteer commitments, household, finances, quilting, relationships, health -- and for each area I have columns for goals, tasks (a catch-all to-do list), and next step(s). Having just one or two tasks per area in the next step column makes juggling everything so much more manageable.

But here's the thing.

My project pages are full of missed deadlines. Dates crossed out, sometimes multiple times, for a project or next step. I used to be down on myself for this seeming inability to keep self-made deadlines -- especially as I am obsessive about meeting any deadline set for me by someone else. I can see the likes of Stephen Covey and Tony Robbins shaking their heads and thinking that success is not likely here; one must be accountable to oneself, or at least find a buddy to aid accountability. And while there's truth in that, I've come to realize something important.

For years I've badgered myself about blown deadlines, and my inner nag had just about convinced me that I could not perform work that is self-directed, that I needed a boss to set external goals and deadlines. Yet if I look back over the last several years, I managed to write three novels -- revising each mulitple times -- start a blog, complete five quilts, maintain a clutter-free home full of heatlhy pets, contribute a lot to volunteer efforts, keep up with friends and family, and make a mildly successful stab at a different career before deciding it wasn't for me. Not bad for suffering from nagging doubts that I can't be successful because I fail at keeping self-imposed deadlines.

Somehow my methods work (for the most part), and it occurred to me that my goal-setting and project planning are my way of plotting my life. In the writing world, we speak of plotters vs pantsers, or those who create character charts and plot outlines before writing the narrative (Elizabeth George), verses those who enter the world of a character and write the narrative by the seat of their pants (Stephen King). Many of us fall on the spectrum between those two positions. I am a plotter, but often I diverge from my carefully outlined plot and go off by the seat of my pants until I get so tangled I need to stop and readjust the outline. I do this over and over.

So I plot my life with goals and tasks and target deadlines. This works for a while until interests and circumstances intrude, and off I go. Then I get bogged down and disoriented, and back I go to my mission statement and project pages, crossing out and readjusting and moving forward with a plan for a while. Messy, messy, but it works and I'm done trying to change myself or measure myself against the plot outline, declaring myself a failure for not having stuck with it. If I am not managing to accomplish some of my objectives, then I'll figure out why and re-write the goal and/or tasks related to the goal. No failure there, and so simple. My inner nag will have to find something else to yammer about.

Unexpected Expenses of the Young New Year

Today the sun is shining! But it's still too cold for me. Brrr.

Kat and I had decided to take a break from household maintenance projects at least for the months of January and February. But God laughs at our plans!! It's been so cold (for South Texas; I'm sure many would think our shivering at temps in the 30's and 40's is amusing), that we've wanted to make our feral kitties more comfortable.

Kat built a little door in the side of the garage that can be closed off at night when our furry friends are safely inside, then we bought some Purr Pads and a small heater. Those boys are nice and warm at night now (you can guess they're not very feral any more, if they ever were true ferals). Cost was around $100, but worth it for the peace of mind.

Unexpected expenses in other categories in the new year are a defunct hard drive in Kat's laptop ($160 to replace) and a $170 trip to the dentist for me. It was a routine cleaning, but I was due x-rays and a consult with the dentist. All is fine except that I have two teeth with recessed gumlines that need to be filled at a cost of $270. Sigh. That comes up in February.

Not so good, but on the other hand, where we can better control expenses -- such as dining in and keeping our grocery bill in check -- we've done well. I'm determined to NOT be like the king in the old nursery rhyme who sat in his counting house counting out his money. Being budget conscious is one thing, but in the past few years I've gotten obsessive and overly anxious about it. We'll do what we can to be prudent, and beyond that I will trust life (part of my personal mission statement).

Personal Mission Statement

The New Year is a grand time for me because I love to make resolutions. Keeping them is of course another matter, though I usually do ok except for anything exercise related.

A few weeks ago I was browsing through Amazon's Lending Library and happened across Stephen Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People . It's been around for quite a while now (originally published in 1989), but I'd never read it, so I snagged it. It turned out to be great timing with the New Year, and I decided to take the author's advice and write a personal mission statement out of which I could make resolutions and goals for the year.

After much journaling and meditation, here's a first pass at my mission statement:

"They are happy, whose strength is in you,
in whose hearts are the roads to Zion.
As they go through the Bitter Valley
they make it a place of springs . . ."
Psalm 84

I will

Trust in God's Providence to provide all that I need to accomplish my mission on earth
Nurture all creatures in my care or within my circle of influence
Create generously and with good energy, resisting the urge to doubt myself and my creative abilities
Treat writing -- books, blogs, and articles -- as my new business, working at it with as much time and energy as I gave Real Estate
Be a good steward of all that has been given -- talents and time, possessions, money, house, and pets
Strengthen relationships
Practice hospitality, making our home a welcoming and relaxing place for Kat and me and for others
Understand the "other side" of an issue and avoid demonizing others
Defend the absent*
Live more simply
Carefully consider requests to commit my time, accepting or declining as best fits my values and goals
Follow through on commitments made to myself and others
Create habits for prayer and fitness to strengthen the spirit and body
Persevere in following principles and creating and keeping good habits

These are not goals exactly, but a way of being to live into. I have developed goals from this, and already I feel stronger in accomplishing them because I have this statement as a touchstone, something to remind me why I've developed goals in the first place and to strengthen my resolve. So thanks Stephen Covey! This exercise makes a good beginning to the new year.

* I lifted this phrase straight from Covey's book. It's simple yet quite challenging.

Changing Direction

Until today, the About Me blurb on this page read:

"Middle-aged and muddled, I am writing toward a life decision. Shall I stick with my business, or quit and do something else? There's more involved, and I've a lot of exploring to do. I won't be hasty."

The decision was made and I've moved on. As of January 1, my decision to quit real estate has become a reality. While my state license remains active, I am no longer active with the Board of Realtors and so do not have access to the MLS (Multiple Listings Service).

I've changed my introduction to reflect the new direction of this blog (not so terribly different from the old direction, just not as specific in intent). Also, I don't like to call myself muddled. Maybe I am muddled, but I don't want to be. Living with greater clarity and simplicity is a goal of mine, and seeing that I am "middle-aged and muddled" every time I pop into this page is not so great.

So this year the key word is integration and the goal is living whole. To 2013!

How Many Hours Do You Need Part II

Phew, so glad October is in the rearview. What a busy month! Kat's dad came in for a week and helped with house projects. We did make time for a little fun, including taking in the mummy exhibit at the Witte Museum and partying in the driveway with our neighbors Halloween night. Although fun, Halloween seemed subdued on our street this year. Still plenty of trick-or-treaters, but not as many as in years past. Seems that fewer of our neighbors are turning on their porch lights. Too early to tell if this is a blip or the start of a trend.

I did manage to work on the tracking hours exercise. For a week I tracked how I spent my hours, then plugged those hours into categories to see how my time is spend. A few insights:

• I had compared this exercise to tracking where your pennies go with the idea of planning a reasonable budget; however, it was really more like tracking calories with a goal of losing weight. It's a disciplinary technique. I found that I maintained focus and kept on track better with writing and project goals because I knew I would be jotting down how the time was spent. Keeping track of time will not be a daily task, but on shapeless days that require lots of self-motivation and organization, it's not a bad tool for staying focused.

• The hours of my week (a "normal" week) are fairly well balanced among the major areas of work, family, church, and community. While that seems good, my frustration is that I do not spend enough time on my job, which is writing. Some balance is good, but that's not what I need to improve. I need more intensity with my work.

• I don't have very many "normal" weeks. Some weeks or stretches of days are given over to guests or big events that come up. Yes I need more intensity with work, but sometimes I can simply accept what life is offering and not get frustrated.

• One area that is very much not in balance is Personal Growth. While I do read books that would fall in this category, things like exercise, taking classes, and working on Spanish are earning big goose eggs.

One last thing. I've been a little obsessed with time lately. I'm closer to fifty than to forty, and there's so much I want to do. My perception of time and attempts to manage it are related to this particular season of my life, a season that is busy -- fevered almost -- full of meetings and family and hopeful projects. I am determined to enjoy it for what it is while I have it. If I live long enough, the day could come when time moves slowly again and I have acres of it.

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." (Ecclesiastes)

How Many Hours Do You Need?

Mid-October already? For some reason, September/October are such horribly busy months. Maybe it's the pleasant weather. Kat and I spend a lot of time outside catching up with yard work and other home maintenance projects.

It's also birthday time in her family, and we travel to Austin for a couple of different birthday celebrations. Then there are budgets to put together for organizations I'm involved with, specifically church and homeowners association.

But all of that is not much more than we have at other times, and much of it is fun stuff (not the budget stuff!!). So why am I rushing from one thing to the next, with so little time to spend on my transition goals, and feeling that I've ended the day with not a whole lot done?

Recently a group of us in my church discussed the stewardship of time. (The topic of stewardship is percolating in the parish -- 'tis the season). One person asked, "Do you have enough time in your week? If not, how many more hours would you need?"

How many more hours would I need? And for what? While I am still tying up loose ends from my real estate business, most of my time is not spent on real estate. So how exactly am I spending it?

I like the idea, brought up in the group, of tracking hours for a week or so to see where time is being spent. It's the same concept as tracking where your dollars are going, with the idea that it's difficult to make a realistic "budget" without knowing where the hours are currently being spent.

Our rector offered a chart for tracking hours which lists some major areas of daily living:

Work
Family
Church
Community
Personal Growth
Sleep
Other

For each I write the # of hours presently spent, the "ideal" # of hours, and the difference (+) or (-).

My ultimate goal is not to schedule my days to the minute. I wouldn't follow such a schedule any more than I'm able to follow a budget that allots money to the penny for different categories. I do hope to gain insight. If I find I'm spending 50 hours of the 168 hours in a week reading, that will tell me something about why I have "no time" to make better progress toward my goals.

By the way, the photo above is of our back yard tree, a Chinese Pistache. The color is actually from last year, closer to the end of November. At this time in San Antonio, the trees are still green and the weather warm, though cooling off some. But it SEEMS like an October picture :-)

Of Ferals and Fixed Expenses

Earlier I went out to feed our four feral kitties. I fed three, turned the corner to feed the fourth in his accustomed spot, and my heart sank. Another one. A black male, un-neutered and thin. I fed him, though he wouldn't come to the bowl while I was out. We'll borrow a trap to have him fixed, but I don't know if he'll make it. His eyes look bad and his breathing is labored.

This sounds terrible, but I almost hope he has to be put down (almost). We've rescued many animals over the years. Several have gone to homes or to no-kill shelters, others we've kept. We have three dogs and six indoor cats. Earlier this year, ferals started showing up in the neighborhood. We joined the San Antonio Feral Cat Coalition to deal with the problem, and now are caring for four (possibly five) outdoor kitties.

As you can imagine, this is not cheap. We spend an average of $300 a month on food, litter, and treats. We buy high-quality food for our indoor pack, and I'm convinced this has saved us a lot in vet bills over the years. We haven't had a significant vet expense in well over a year (knock on wood), but I know that won't last. Two of our dogs and three of our indoor cats are seniors.

I've been working on our budget, going item by item deciding where to slash. The pet expense is fixed; no way to cut that one. So far I've cut $15 from the cable bill, and Kat and I are discussing slashing it more. That's a pitiful start, but it is a start. This weekend I'll finish up quarterly taxes, then I hope to sit down with Kat and get serious about sketching out new budget goals. Hoo boy. I'd say our biggest challenge is having slightly different philosophies for handling money, but that's a blog post or two (or several dozen) on its own.