Welcome

I am in a place -- mentally, emotionally, and financially -- that I'd rather not be. Some things in my life are lovely -- my partner being the main joy -- and some are miserable -- the primary culprit being my business. I tend to over-think, over-worry, and work myself into confusion, and all the while, what I'm trying to figure out is how to live life well.

I'm in my mid-40's, and I'd like to have things figured out already. But that's a pretty amorphous goal, so a more focused goal, with a deadline of September, is to decide what to do about my business. This blog is part of my discernment process.

My business is real estate. I got my agent's license in Texas nearly a year and a half ago, and I am beginning to think I'm spectacularly unsuited to the business of buying and selling houses. For one, I'm struggling to break even. Expenses are high and closings (with accompanying paychecks) are few. Right now I'm working a contract for a nice house; my fee will put a good dent in credit card debt. And guess what? Today I'm watching it all fall apart, which does happen, but for me it's THE straw. (And so this blog. Cheaper than therapy).

I work hard every day, and some weeks, like the last few, I barely have time to eat, and so I'm feeling more and more disorganized and discouraged. I'm hoping this blog will help push me to organize and keep on top of finances -- I certainly need to do that to make an informed decision about my work -- and will aid me in sorting through the myriad influences that affect what I do now and may do next. Tall order for a blog, but I need to start somewhere.

So welcome to Fumbling at Joy, which really is the heart of it all. Ultimately I just want to live my life well, with as much joy as possible.