Mid-Year Goals

These aren't exactly mid-year goals. They are goals from the beginning of the year, and though I had them written down, I hadn't blogged them. So here they are, with updates --

Creative Goals:

Writing -

• Revise and self-publish my completed middle grade novel
• Submit the second novel (completed and currently under revision)
• Write the first draft of the sequel to the second novel (up to about 5,000 words)
• Start a writing/reading related blog (have name and URL; tinkering with the look and content)

Sewing -

• Finish the Bichon quilt for Kat’s mother (blocks completed and sewed into strips; working with applique)
• Make a quilt for the guest room bed 
• Make a quilt for my niece
• Make an art quilt

Other -

• Make a fruitcake

Organizing Goals:

• Tweak my work space, especially better organize my “active” files
• Clear out filing cabinets, scanning and trashing files where appropriate (Started, barely)
• Clean out and organize 1) my make-up drawer, 2) the kitchen cabinets, 3) the pantry

Financial Goals:

• Review and adjust life insurance policies (Done)
• Increase automatic contribution to Kat’s deferred compensation plan
• Increase emergency savings account by 25%. (Making progress)
• Fully fund cushion savings (Done)
• Save and figure out financing if necessary for kitchen re-do (Have saved about $1900)
• Start saving for vacation to Diagon Alley (Universal Studios) in 2014 or 2015
• Lower cable and wireless phone bills 

Not bad, but I've a lot to do to meet goals before the end of the year. Some of these I can eliminate on a "get it done" day, such as cleaning out my make-up drawer and lowering the bills. Others will take weeks or months or more to accomplish. Of course I'm identifying and achieving (for the most part) new goals all the time, like the office closet clean-out and the sewing room renovation. 

For some reason, I tend to procrastinate on goals I've written down, which is the opposite effect writing goals is supposed to have. I suppose I let the impulse of the moment direct my days more than I'm happy with on reflection. Goal-writing and checking in are ways for past self (in this case, January self) to control her future and attempt to accomplish big things through thoughtful planning and follow through. Obviously present self isn't always cooperative, and I've let my project pages go unreviewed for a couple of months, when for a while they were a daily guide. I am updating and scribbling on them now. We'll see how it goes if future self bothers to check in.

Procrastination and Money

I drove back from Houston yesterday just in time to shower and dash to an HOA board meeting. I am one of three on the board for our neighborhood. Fortunately, we enjoy each other, and each of us is willing to work hard, so it's a good board and I don't mind the rather long meetings (only once a quarter) with our management company rep.

My least favorite part of the meeting is our executive session in which we review violations of the covenants and restrictions as well as homeowners non-compliant with paying dues. With the latter, we ensure that all notices have been sent, and if the homeowner is well overdue and has not contacted our management company despite all the notices, we vote to send to legal. Which adds hundreds and sometimes thousands to the homeowner's bill (over time), so that an original bill of $170 can balloon to two or three thousand or more (with late fees, title searches, legal costs, etc).

I HATE doing that. I know that some of these people are probably suffering some hardship or other, perhaps an illness or loss of job or divorce. The thing is, if they would just call and tell us what's going on, we could work with them and not have to send to our attorney. We have in the past asked our rep to contact each of them by phone, even though it's not required, in a last ditch attempt to communicate the financial consequences of ignoring the bills and many overdue notices. We've discovered this doesn't do much good.

Recently I saw an article somewhere, perhaps a blog post, on the high cost of procrastination. I'm not sure if this situation would fall under that heading or would belong more to the act of burying one's head in the sand and hoping the problem will go away. It doesn't really matter in this case, the consequence is the same, and it is quite costly.

I have to say, I've been kicking myself recently for some costly consequences to issues I've put off dealing with. Mine were due to classic procrastination. My term life insurance expired earlier this year, and I've had looking into a new policy on my to-do list for at least three years. THREE YEARS. Finally I had a "just do it" day and took care of aged to-do tasks, including the life insurance. Because of the skin cancer I had removed in April, I fell out of the preferred category. If I had done this two or three years ago, my rate would have been much lower. Ooooh, that burns.

I have a few other old tasks on the to-do list that have to do with money, including contacting the cable company about lowering our rate and visiting Verizon to ensure our plan is right-sized. I'm due another "just do it" day.

Melancholy and the Power of Gratitude

Simplifying my life has been a long-term goal for a while. Today I feel that I am failing and that I will never have a life of simplicity or live in the single-hearted way I crave. Why do other people seem so focused, achieving consistency and excellence while juggling work and family and home, and I can’t seem to get there? Comparing myself to others whose lives and struggles I don’t really know is not the way to go. “Run your own race” is one of my mantras. But today I am low, and my mind wants to travel those unproductive paths. 

I can’t help the melancholy, but I can control my reaction to it. 

First, forcing myself to write this post. Now that I’m started, it’s ok. 

Next, gratitude. For what am I grateful? What can I honestly say I feel true gratitude for right this minute? 

<thinking>

I am grateful for the hot cup of coffee at hand. I don’t normally drink afternoon coffee. This is a treat, and one I am savoring (more now that I’ve pointed it out to myself). 

I am grateful for my Kindle. Oh Kindle, how I love thee. How I love that you are filled with books, some read and some waiting to be read, all at my fingertips. 

I am grateful that I’m such a fast typist. I love to type, and have since I learned at age twelve. My typing speed has gotten me a few jobs over my lifetime.

This is better, but I’m noticing that a little voice within is trying to take my mind off the good things and steer me to what is bothersome. My messy desk, the overflowing mail bin, the . . . but no, I won’t go there now.

I am grateful for my cats. They make me laugh, and they are so beautiful. I never tire of my dear darling kitties (though you could do without the dogs, says my negative voice). But, I am focusing on cats.

I am grateful that the Spurs made it to the NBA finals. Woohoo!

There, I hit the tipping point. I feel a nice floaty bubble of happy in my gut. I still feel “down”, if that makes sense, sort of subdued, but no longer so self-critical. This gratitude stuff works!!

All Crises Pass - Budget Review

Finally, a review of first quarter budget, which did not reveal any major surprises. I set our budget for the year by taking the amount spent in each category for the previous year and dividing by twelve for each month’s budgeted amount. This way of doing things doesn’t really allow for inflation, so there’s a risk of running over. And while I do try to budget in emergencies — say especially in the “Other Auto” and “Pets” categories -- I probably don’t budget quite enough, mostly because I can’t make the income side balance. We try to get close, then cross our fingers and hope for the best.

For the quarter we were over about $200 on expenses, but also over on income thanks to Kat’s overtime. In fact we were a little ahead for the quarter, but May has seen some setbacks that will show up in the second quarter review. Our expenses for first quarter weren’t too over because we were under in a few categories, including — miraculously — Pets. 

I do “pad” the Pets budget line to anticipate vet expenses, and we were slightly under budget even with Beano’s dental work. But a couple of weeks ago we took our two senior dogs in for full physicals, vaccinations, and x-rays. Guess how much? One thousand dollars. $1,000. Un mil. Our vet has a new loyalty card that gives us 10% of each visit toward our next visit, so the lovely thing is that we now have $100 credit at the vet’s office. I have no doubt we’ll use it before the end of the year.

I should be ok with our first quarter financials, and I am, but it’s hard to rejoice when here in May I’m floating among the wreckage of the budget. It’s not just the vet bill — our cushion savings will take care of that — but I have felt out of control of our spending since I started hobbling around on this torqued leg. I’ve started massage therapy (expensive and not in the budget) and I’ve bought cushions and I will say here that I’m willing to pay whatever will end this pain and release me from the fringes of my own life. And then the gifts!! May/June is becoming Christmas II with all the graduations, weddings, mother’s and father’s days, and birthdays. All happy occasions, but hitting at the same time. 

One of my favorite sayings — “All crises pass” — has become a mantra these past couple of weeks. It’s not just the financials, though that adds to it, it’s the scattered and out of control feeling that comes from not being able to maintain former routines. It had been a goal of mine for the spring to create a routine for my writing, and it wasn’t until I was unable to sit at my desk that I realized I DID have a routine. It just didn’t look like other people’s routines or what I thought a writing routine should look like. When I enter the work-bubble that is my desk, usually late morning or early afternoon, I slip into writing mode. It’s a nice, warm, captainish* feeling, and I’ve missed it and can hardly wait to get back to it. 

All crises pass. This one will too.

* To borrow from Rabbit of the Hundred Acre Wood

Using Pain to Improve Life

Since my last post my life has taken a turn for the unexpected. I developed a literal pain in the butt that extends from the cheek down to the calf. Ouch!! Boy does it hurt. Hurts to sit, stand, and walk, which leaves lying down, but I can’t afford to do that all day, so I sit, stand, and walk, wincing (gasping) all the way.

After checking to ensure that a pinched nerve or my back isn't somehow involved, my doctor prescribed a powerful anti-inflammatory and some exercises. There’s no quick fix for this, and the pain wears me down by the end of the day. The silver lining is that I’m using the pain as motivation to work on some areas in my life. 

First, I figure that the body has an enormous capacity to heal itself as long as it’s not sabotaged. I’m helping by eating as healthily as I know how, with plenty of food high in antioxidants and anti-inflammatory properties. Guided by George Mateljan’s The World’s Healthiest Foods, an “essential guide for the healthiest way of eating,” I am learning the health properties of different foods and the best way to select, store, prepare, and cook them. 

Anti-inflammatory foods and herbs include salmon, tuna, and shellfish, pineapples, papayas, olives, garlic, ginger, and turmeric. There are others, but that’s where I’m starting. Yesterday for lunch Kat and I ate avocado halves sprinkled with lemon juice and stuffed with tuna salad (a recipe from the book). Tasty! 

Second, having this grinding, relentless pain actually helps with my mindfulness practice. Sometimes the pain overwhelms, and I have to stop and just breathe deeply. I try to follow the advice in the book to focus on breath and welcome any discomfort or pain instead of fighting it. It’s not easy, and it doesn’t always help, but most of the time it seems to. It keeps me from panicking anyway. Anxiety magnifies pain, and to the extent that mindfulness practice diffuses anxiety, it helps.

Third, I am forced to practice patience. Not a virtue of mine, but one I want to cultivate. The healing process takes time. I can eat all the right foods, exercise diligently, and take my meds, but I can’t force the pain away or hurry the healing process.  Impatience — when will this pain end? — like anxiety, just makes it worse. 

So there it is. I wrote most of this while standing at our kitchen island, and finished it off sitting at my desk. My new life for a while. I hope that when this chapter of life draws to a close, I will have acquired or deepened a few good habits.

Thwarted but I'm Good With It

April turned out to be a busy and out of the ordinary month (the skin stuff alone threw my calendar off kilter), and I was looking forward to my recent birthday as a day just to knock around in. A fun lunch in Gruene followed by naps and reading and movie watching. Kat was off, and she’s always game to do whatever.

That morning I rolled out of bed, and the first thing I did was charge my Kindle. This was going to be the kind of day that required a fully charged e-reader!

Things got off to a great start with a breakfast of kolaches and coffee. Then Kat surprised me with a light box for my sewing room. Hooray! The timing couldn’t have been more perfect as the quilt I’m working on requires applique. 

After lunch and a walk around the shops at Gruene, we drove back to San Antonio, into the neighborhood, turned the corner, and I saw this:

Hastily decorated by a neighbor

I gasped! No!! 

Yes, surprise party. The last guest left at 11:00 pm. My fully charged Kindle sat untouched.

So, my birthday went not at all as I had envisioned. Had I been asked, I would have said emphatically that I did not want a party. But, as with life when chaos intrudes on the hopeful vision of orderly days, I accepted it (after a bit of struggle) and it was good. It was good to visit with friends I haven’t seen in a while, and of course I was touched (after I got past wanting to kill her) by Kat’s eagerness to make the day special. 

I haven’t yet peeked at the credit card to see what this set us back. I have a budget session planned for tomorrow to review March and April. I’m hoping all the big birthday surprises are behind me :-P

Breaking Rules and Re-visiting Goals

Just back from a whirlwind visit home (near Houston) to visit my folks. The trip is exactly three hours and twenty minutes from my door to theirs. Most of the time I have to make a pit stop along the way. When I take Dobby, I stop off at a rest area so I can take him with me into the restroom.

I pulled into a rest area as usual and for the first time noticed a sign that clearly stated “No Pets Allowed in Restroom.” What?? But I can’t leave him in the car! What if he were stolen? And during summer months the car interior heats up far too quickly. Impossible to leave an animal in a car, even with the windows cracked. I might have to disguise him as a human baby and carry him in a pouch. Think it will work?

Time to check in with April goals:

Create a routine, writing at least three hours every (work) day. Still no routine, but I did manage the floating three hour period on days I wasn't on the road, plus more on occasion.

Close e-mail during writing sessions. Yup. 

Close internet during writing sessions, or use internet blocking or my alphasmart. Nope. The internet is like chocolate to me - irresistible. I cannot bring myself to use an internet blocking program; I don’t know why I even wrote that down. I haven’t yet unearthed my alphasmart. I really like typing on my laptop. A lot. And I use Scrivener. Though I know I can transfer my alphasmart stuff to Scrivener, I like working in Scrivener. So, I’ll have to figure this one out. I suppose if I’m hitting my writing goals (I’m now into daily word counts for my fiction), I can ease up on this one.

Practice mindfulness. I googled for some resources and came up with a bewildering number of books and blogs about mindfulness. Finally I downloaded Mindfulness for Dummies to my Kindle, figuring it would give me the basics. So far I like what I’m reading, but I’ve only just begun putting it into practice (as in yesterday). I plan to review this more fully in a future post.

I will now turn these goals into May goals. They’ve been helpful, and I want more time with them.