Simplifying my life has been a long-term goal for a while. Today I feel that I am failing and that I will never have a life of simplicity or live in the single-hearted way I crave. Why do other people seem so focused, achieving consistency and excellence while juggling work and family and home, and I can’t seem to get there? Comparing myself to others whose lives and struggles I don’t really know is not the way to go. “Run your own race” is one of my mantras. But today I am low, and my mind wants to travel those unproductive paths.
I can’t help the melancholy, but I can control my reaction to it.
First, forcing myself to write this post. Now that I’m started, it’s ok.
Next, gratitude. For what am I grateful? What can I honestly say I feel true gratitude for right this minute?
<thinking>
I am grateful for the hot cup of coffee at hand. I don’t normally drink afternoon coffee. This is a treat, and one I am savoring (more now that I’ve pointed it out to myself).
I am grateful for my Kindle. Oh Kindle, how I love thee. How I love that you are filled with books, some read and some waiting to be read, all at my fingertips.
I am grateful that I’m such a fast typist. I love to type, and have since I learned at age twelve. My typing speed has gotten me a few jobs over my lifetime.
This is better, but I’m noticing that a little voice within is trying to take my mind off the good things and steer me to what is bothersome. My messy desk, the overflowing mail bin, the . . . but no, I won’t go there now.
I am grateful for my cats. They make me laugh, and they are so beautiful. I never tire of my dear darling kitties (though you could do without the dogs, says my negative voice). But, I am focusing on cats.
I am grateful that the Spurs made it to the NBA finals. Woohoo!
There, I hit the tipping point. I feel a nice floaty bubble of happy in my gut. I still feel “down”, if that makes sense, sort of subdued, but no longer so self-critical. This gratitude stuff works!!
